Log in

The catastrophic ending to this fairytale of hate has lost it's mind [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

A break from the past could make it last, maybe just a little longer. [May. 23rd, 2005|03:51 pm]
[Current Music |Heaven's Coming Down - The Tea Party]

Starting over.

With all the bullshit going on,
I can't keep longing for the past,
Dwelling on the lost memories,
Missing the people I loved.

So although I'm too sentimental and nostalgic for this,
I'm going to try a new beginning.

New journal; _x_disenchanted
Add/Comment, Loves.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to b r e a k [May. 21st, 2005|01:54 pm]
Le sigh.
I don't know what to put in here.
I can't remember the last time I updated,
What was in that entry,
What all has happened since then that should be in here.

Ashley lost the baby due to complications and such.
Kirsten and Ryan are together,
(Kirsten and Ryan, for those who don't know, are two of my trashy ex's)
Uh.. Dave and I are.. ?
Shit's fading away.

I don't know.
I really have nothing important to say.
Link5 comments|Leave a comment

Well now I'm confused, is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? [May. 19th, 2005|09:11 pm]
[Current Mood |apatheticboobookittyfuck]
[Current Music |And I hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark.]

I think it's more like a ghost that's been following us both, something vague that we're not seeing. Something vague, more like a feeling. Collapse )
Link9 comments|Leave a comment

The lights go dim, but the screaming won't stop. [May. 16th, 2005|08:13 pm]
[Current Mood |indescribableHighOverwhelmedExhausted]
[Current Music |Got Rice - Tai Mai Shu]

So.. it seems this chaos wishes to remain constant.

Kirsten didn't show up today,
But hid in the safety of John's apartment,
Where she knew I wouldn't be to kill her.
So I shall go see her this week,
And teach her what calling somebody on entails.
You would've thought if I hurt her that badly on Friday,
She wouldn't be asking for more for today.

Found out more about the pregnancy avec Ashley.
Turns out the father is somebody else..
Somebody extremely unexpected.
Somebody extremely surprising.

Aside from this, not much happened today.
Got back two tests.. math (37%) and civics (53% -hellyesifuckingpassed)
I decided I'm not even going to bother doing/stressing my math..
Because the chance of passing is extremely low,
and requires high, unobtainable marks on both my exam and culminating.
So I say fuckit, I'll repeat it in an easier course next year.
I have to stay an extra semester being two credits short already, anyway.
So next year.. three grade ten classes. Again.

Ryan claims he's going to stop controlling me, and those who get involved with me (but he'll flip when he found out I went to the apartment with Josh alone)
..He [Ryan] was there when I arrived at school today.
We had brief conversation that really should have continued,
But I decided to leave abruptly and when I looked back at him upon reaching the door, he was still looking at me exactly the same as he had when I walked away.
It made my heart melt, and made me want to run over and punch him at the same time.
Here I go, so dishonestly..


[I may have already said this in previous entries, buttt...]
Happy Birthday Brittany/Eric/Addie..
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

You're afraid to find out all the hope you had sent into the sky by now had crashed. And it did. [May. 15th, 2005|03:40 pm]
[Current Mood |blahOverwhelmed]
[Current Music |Slit your wrists, show God who's boss.]

So.. the last week is definately deserving of an update... it may seem trivial, you may think it's boring, and you may not read it, but jizaz kryst, there's too much going on and I need to ramble on about it somewhere.
Addie / Brittany / Eric / Mina -- > HaPpY BeLaTeD / E a R L y BiRtHdAyS..
SteVe / AlEx ---> HaPpY oNe YeAr! You two are doing better than I thought I was.

A cut, because I'm a nice person.Collapse )

And yeah, this has probably been posted about, but it's important to me, so... - R.I.P Jessie <3Collapse )
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

Watch me lose her, it's almost like losing myself. Give her my soul and let them take somebody else. [May. 11th, 2005|09:13 pm]
I honestly think it's pathetic, how fucking nostalgic I am. How long will I cling to the past like this before I just get over it, and realise it's all gone, and that no matter how hard I try, or how hard any of us want it back, it will never happen?
Even if the people came back, and we did the same shit, and went to the same places.. it would all be different. Because we've all changed. We've all grown apart. Some of us are gone.. forever. Some of us are fucked beyond repair. Some of us have disappeared, and that's about all we know.
It's sad, really, how much you can miss something. How badly you can long for someone. How mourning can last forever, and the pain will still refuse to fade.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

And then you bring me home, afraid to find out that you're alone. [May. 11th, 2005|07:42 pm]
[Current Music |Konstantine]

Happiest Birthday Wishes To Mina, My Love.
Hope It's Amazing.

I have nothing meaningful to say about my life right now.

And you don't wanna be here, in the future,
so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past.
And you don't wanna look much closer, cause you're afraid
To find out all this hope you had sent into the sky by now had crashed.
And it did. Because of me.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [May. 11th, 2005|07:42 pm]
[Current Music |Konstantine]

Happiest Birthday Wishes To Mina, My Love.
Hope It's Great.

I have nothing meaningful to say about my life right now.

Happy birthday to Brittany, too!
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

He says the choices were given, now you must live them. Or just not live, but do you want that? [May. 10th, 2005|08:47 pm]
[Current Mood |The weight must be satisfied]
[Current Music |But I talk in the mirror, to the stranger that appears]

Just because of whatever.Collapse )
Stolen from a beautiful tinkerbell <3
LinkLeave a comment

You are not really sure what you're doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. [May. 10th, 2005|08:41 pm]
So it's been a while since an update.
Meh. That's okay, I suppose.
I really don't know what to write in here..
There's shit I could include that seems so important, yet trivial and irrelivant.
There's shit I could put in here about what I've been thinking/feeling, but it seems to personal and the overexposure is.. threatening.

Ryan and I broke up, again, for the few of those who don't know yet.
It's really, really done this time.
I guess it's better this way.. I mean, that's why I won't let myself go back.
But it's still.. disappointing that it didn't work, painful that it was so.. far off, and upsetting that's done. Forever.
After I clinged to it so tightly for so long.
After he made me believe in so many new things.

But anywhore..
I'm back to whoring around,
Being single,
Being me,
Doing whatever the fuck I want and just

Some think it self-destructive,
Some think it's stupid,
Some think it's selfish.
But I'm still around for those who need me,
Still clinging to the things I love,
And still the same person.
I just have fewer things/people standing in my way,
And less desire to let anybody in.

I call it real.

Life is shit.
I do what I can to enjoy myself,
And do what I feel will help to get through it.
It may appear selfish, but at least this way I'm not going apeshit on everybody.
Or myself.
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]